JUST SAW THIS WHOOPS
When it came to disciplining the problem students at James Buchanan Middle School, Jake Peralta (Social Studies teacher, girls’ volleyball coach) and Amy Santiago (Mathematics teacher, after-school study club leader) tended to use the bad cop/good cop routine.
(The school was on a shoestring budget, so there was no vice principal, and Principal Holt couldn’t be bothered with unimportant matters like the class hamster that had been stolen from 6B, so it was left to the more dedicated teachers, like Amy, and the ones who had been particularly attached to the hamster, like Jake, to deal with any minor problems that arose.)
Jake was the good cop, by virtue of his position as Cool Teacher—he wore jeans to school and made that’s-what-she-said jokes during class and didn’t mind if there were food fights in the lunchroom. Amy was the bad cop, because she was the Least Cool Teacher, the one who never graded on a curve and actually enforced the dress code.
Together, they were unstoppable.
"Hey, man," Jake said to Aidan Winters (primary suspect in the Hamster Case), "don’t get all worried ‘cause Ms. Santiago and I asked to speak to you alone, okay? We’re not gonna bite. Speaking of biting, hamsters bite, you know anything about Sparky’s disappearance?"
"Before you say anything," Amy cut in, "I should warn you that if you lie to us we will have no choice but to go to Principal Holt."
"But not if it can possibly be avoided."
"But if you lie to us it can’t be avoided."
Aidan looked from one to the other. “I didn’t take Sparky. I’m not lying.”
"Do you know who might have?"
"Promise you won’t tell who told?"
"I can keep a secret," Jake assured him solemnly. "All we care about is getting Sparky back safe."
"And punishing the perpetrators appropriately."
"Olivia Chen has him," Aidan said quietly. "She’s been keeping him in her locker and feeding him leftovers from the school lunch."
"Sparky must be miserable!" said Jake, appalled. "Amy, you deal with Olivia. I have a rescue mission. Hang on, Sparky, I’m coming for you!"
"Thank you for your help, Aidan," said Amy, shaking her head at Jake’s madcap dash out of the classroom. "Your secret is safe with us."
"And yours is safe with me."
"What do you mean?"
"I won’t tell anyone you and Mr. Peralta are dating."
"What? How did you—I mean, we’re not dating! Go back to recess! Dismissed!"
Aidan left, and Amy went to go tell Jake that they maybe had to be a little more careful in front of the students. At least for now.
what would jake peralta name a hamster?
I promise I am….
but I am also a senior in college which means I have to work on my thesis and essays for other classes (and I’m taking a fiction writing class), which means my writing energy/enthusiasm is often sapped so it takes a while for each chapter to go up.
please bear with my glacial writing pace! I post as soon as I finish each chapter because I’m a feedback junkie…
Poehler: Who’s talking right now? Wait, who was that talking?
Scott: It’s Adam Scott. You know who it is.
Poehler: Hey, Adam. Hi. I’m excited to get to finally work with you. It’s nice to meet you. Scott: Oh god, Amy. All right whatever. Nice to meet you, yes.
Schur: Just play along. It’s easier and just grease the wheels. You know, let’s play along with it.
Scott: I know. Hi, Ms. Poehler, nice to meet you.
Poehler: Thank you for addressing me as such.
Scott: Oh god.